So I want to share with you an experience that I had this weekend with JonMark.
A few days ago he noticed that a strange sound was coming from the engine of his car. He loves his Volvo and so he was concerned and asked for my help. We talked about it and decided that the sound was probably a belt in the engine that needed some attention. Truth be told, I did not look at it. I trusted his opinion and discernment skills.
Sure enough the belt was bad. He opened the hood on Saturday morning and showed me that part to the belt was beginning to fray off—a small tear was visible—and I knew that this was not safe. Having changed a few belts like this before, I knew that we were in for some hard work. It would be hard to get our hands into the necessary space to change the belt. It could be done, but we would be very dirty when we finished and very sore from having to reach into a space where our hands don’t fit.
On Sunday afternoon he pulled his car into the garage and we began. . .
After about 15 minutes I realized that the only way to get to the belt was by removing the passenger side wheel. Next we took off the wheel-well and sure enough I could see the belt clearly. As I pushed some plastic away the device that provides tension to the belt was visible. That device must be loosened so the belt can come off. We worked and worked on it and finally the belt came free. Unbeknownst to us, we were about to pay a heavy price.
Around 5pm, JonMark applied the necessary pressure to release the tensioner so we could ‘re-seed the belt’ and we heard a crack. The tensioner literally crumbled around the wrench. It would never open again, and as a car must have the belts installed properly to drive, the car was now inoperable.
I looked at my son who sat on the ground with dirt on his cheek. He was defeated. Frustrated and disappointed. I could see all of the emotions on his face of resignation and sadness bubbling up. He worked so hard and now he was unable to complete the job.
What should I do?
I knew what happened, and I knew why it happened. Yet rather than blame him for breaking the tensioner (which was not his fault), or complain about some superfluous detail that made this happen, I just looked at him and only felt one emotion. Compassion.
I had compassion on him. He tried so hard to do this, he wanted it so much, and he failed. Compassion, rather than judgement, was the only option that I could offer him. Compassion goes a long way if we are willing to give it to others.
Judy Cannato in her book: Field of Compassion: How the New Cosmology is Transforming Spiritual Life, expressed it well. She wrote:
Today, JonMark is at the auto-parts store ordering a new tensioner. He is going to replace it and thinks he knows how to complete the job. I can see in his eyes the excitement of having a plan and visualizing a way to have that plan come to completion.
I wonder, what would have happened if I was not compassionate to him in his moment of need? Sure the car had to be fixed. But what might have happened differently if I acted differently?
Blessings
Rev. Derek
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