The Christmas season, especially the week leading up to it, can be a difficult and challenging time. Sure, we struggle with getting the right present that fully expresses our love, affection, and appreciation for the individual, but there is more to the struggle that we cannot escape.
In this struggle I wonder what a different response might look like?
This morning I received another email that no parents wants to read in their inbox. It was from JonMark and Emma's old school system--Seneca Valley. As you might remember the community was once again rocked by tragedy as a young student took his own life last week. The understanding at that time was that his untimely and unfortunate death was the result of bullying issues that were building in his life for years. In his hopelessness this young man decided there was no other choice but to end his life.
Now that's a horrible story to hear. But the horribleness of the story is compounded when you know that this is not the first time a student there has been the victim of hatred. Students all over the area are pushed beyond the point of no return. It seems that if you don't look, act, or think as the majority tells you to, then you are ostracized, ridiculed, and threatened.
Another email was sent to us today that was equally as painful to read that spoke about the school's commitment to child safety and protection. Parents are stoking the fires of hate and blame is being cast around.
My heart sank as I re-read the note and wondered: how did we get here? And how do we get back, or even, can we get back to a place of communal-wholeness?
At this point several options are possible that we could take to reconcile these issues:
1- We could chalk up these events to an isolated incident (or two). Those involved will be dealt with and the community moves on. "Nothing to see here". . . But like it said this isn't the first time that the community has been rocked with suffering and so that solution doesn't seem viable to me. It has happened before and it will likely happen again.
2- We could judge. We could demand that those families, or individuals, or groups who raise and supported children in hateful, vengeful ways are help accountable. But I wonder what stops us from acting like the very people we are condemning?
Then I re-read the words of Marcia A. Owens today and found another choice presented to us:
3- We could 'be with.'
Let's hear Marcia, and her co-author Samuel Wells, on this issue and notice how the entire framing of the relationship changes if we choose their approach:
"But what is really required is simply 'being with'--staying still, listening, being silent, not having the answers, sharing the struggle, praying together, singing songs and hymns, taking time over meals, recalling stories, remembering messages [from God] to pass on. What is needed is not therapy--its company."
Whenever I read a story of evil coming into a community my temptation is to work to solve or fix the issue. I am tempted to try as hard as I can to achieve my desired result permanently. I/we are tempted to paint with broad brush strokes in an attempt to cover over the degradation and sinfulness that is at work around us.
Yet in all that we are trying to do are we not forgetting God?
Perhaps by adopting Marcia's suggested posture we might find not just a way to heal but a way to be whole again?
Blessings
Rev. Derek
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