I wonder--January 11

I just had the most wonderful experience that I want to share with you. And as I share my story, I wonder if you can find your own way to share this experience in your day?

A short time ago I walked across the parking lot on my way back to the office. The day was cool, and the clouds formed a nice blanket that allowed me to be comfortable wearing a sweater to work. I was in a good mood. Listening to a podcast that I enjoy, I heard the activity bus from our Day Care pulling up behind me to drop off the children. 

I turned my head and saw the bus making its wide sweeping turn so the "after school" children can disembark and head inside to wait for their parents. Then it happened. . . 

There in the window I saw little smiles forming as small faces pressed themselves up to the glass to see me. Ethan waved. Tyler's eyes brightened. A new young lady in the program waved at me until I noticed her and waved back. Then she shook her head in satisfaction.  

Unlocking the door to the office I took my AirPods out of my ear, turned around, and waited. I wanted to say 'hello.' 

"Are you coming today?" one boy asked. 

"No," I said. "I will be there tomorrow to read you a new bible story." I smiled and said, "If that's okay." 

He laughed and said he would like that. He did not know that I come to the office every day--not just the days when I stop to read to him. 

I saw Minecraft shirts that were 'showed off.' Anna Grace waved as she walked by. On and on the parade of kids went; many of them had something to say. Most were excited to see me and some confused. I got the "doesn't he only work on Thursday" look, and I loved it. 

The whole experience blessed my day, and why is that? 

It is because I agreed to be present regularly in their lives. I agreed to walk over to the Day Care on Thursdays at 3:30pm and read to them. You see for these kids it matters that I come and see them. It matters that I take time to show up. And even if they cannot articulate this statement, their waves and smiles and comments prove my conclusion. 

So again I wonder, can you find a way to have a similar experience in your day? 

I bet it will bless your heart. . . 

Blessings

I wonder--January 5

I am getting ready this morning to go on a short walk with a friend. While we have not walked together before, Ms. Bert came today and asked me if I had already walked this morning. I told her not yet . . . She smiled and said, 'well we're walking after circle then,' and I happily agreed.  

So off after her meeting, we went. . . Ms. Bert and I. 

The warmth of the sun felt good on my face and the coolness of the breeze was perfect. I love to walk out in God's creation. And with such a perfect morning to walk together, Bert and I had a wonderful time walking a mile around the Bethesda Cemetery. We talked about a lot of things. 

We spoke about family--both our personal families and our church family.

We shared thoughts about life and grieving. We have both experienced the pain of loss so we talked about it some. 

We even ventured into some reflections on the state of our world and our inability to work together to accomplish even the most basic things. Neither of us could figure out why we can't seem to follow a communal mission in this world. 

Around and around Bert and I walked until we completed our 1-mile circuit in about 25 minutes. Then we headed our own separate ways and I felt blessed to have a friend to walk with on this cool Thursday morning. 

But as I sit her know I am thinking about the words that I read from Jean Vanier earlier today as I prepared for Bible study. He said: 

“I am struck by how sharing our weakness and difficulties is more nourishing to others than sharing our qualities and successes.”

Neither Bert or I aimed to follow Vanier's guidance from above. We just allowed God to walk with us; to guide us and our conversation. As we let God lead us onward, we were able to share deeply from our souls and God was with us in this. 

So I wonder today, what would happen in your life if you took Vanier's words to heart? When we share our struggles more freely we find space and identification with other people. Perhaps in that sharing we even find God? 

Blessings

I wonder--January 4

Sometimes things get out of hand. . . Not in a bad way; just out of hand. And even though we have good intentions as the day begins, sometimes, that best-of-intentions take us to a place that we do not want to go. 

That was my morning today. Let me explain: 

After taking my morning walk I settled at my desk and opened my devotional. I am currently finishing one book and beginning another so there is a bit of an overlap. So for one more day I read two devotions in the morning as I start each day. 

Finishing the first one, I closed it, slide it across my desk, and I write in my journal for a couple minutes. 

Finishing today's entry, I sighed. Task complete. 

Next, I opened my email, I grabbed my file folder from last night's meeting, and I started to rattle off tasks in my head that I wanted to complete before my noon zoom meeting. Instantly my fingers attack the keyboard to compose some emails. At the same time, I flipped through my iPad as I picked today's story for chapel with the children at the Day Care and I sipped some coffee. 

I was being very productive. . . or was I? 

Remember I have a second reading to complete this morning.  

Just behind my laptop, I could see the edge of my second devotional poking out, inviting me, to slow down this morning and read. I literally pushed everything else away and sat back and read the entry for today; these were words that I needed.  

There are times when the tasks of the day are so important, so necessary, that we cannot neglect them. But more often than not, a simple re-orientation is what God asks us. God wonders if we will just put away our quest for productivity; will we dwell with him? 

No one means to push our necessary God-time away, but that happens more than we like. I wonder how your day could be different? I wonder if you might push away that which could distract you from God and just dwell with him? How might that make a difference? 

Blessings. . . 

I wonder. . . January 3

Sitting on my desk in front of me is a pile of seven books on the same topic. Next to the books is a handout from Hebrews 11 and the copy of a chapter from a book that was used in my Doctoral work by an instructor. 

I need to re-read all seven books and the extra chapter by this evening. (Or I should re-read them is probably more accurate of a statement). And like you read who this essay, I know that I will not finish the books and chapter today. Even though the subject is inviting, and I have read all seven before, the task is daunting. 

Several choices present themselves to me in this moment: 

First, I could just pound through the books. Skim away. Try and recall the main point of each book. Then force a conclusion to come together. 

Second, give up. Like I said, I will not get them all read and I could choose disappointment over persistence. 

Or maybe I just let the process unfold as it does. I could smile as I pick up the first book and know that whatever God and I re-learn together is enough. I am not being complacent but instead displaying trust. . .trust in God and trust in myself.

The New Year is already full of expectations that sit in front of you, on your own desk. These expectations stalk you and tell you, that if you are not serious enough in your attention to them, then you are a failure--or at the very least not faithful enough.

But that is not true. 

My morning scripture lesson took me to Luke 2; it was the story of Simeon blessing Jesus. As I thought about Simeon I noticed that he spent a lot of time not knowing, not understanding, and as I think about the pile of books in my desk, he spent a lot of time being stalked by expectations. 

Yet he gently lived into that tension and let God hold his attention. I wonder, could you follow Simeon's example? What would it look like in your life to trust God to help you manage all that needs to be done today? 

Blessings

Wonderings--December 29

It has been a while since I talked Bianca on this blog. 

For those who don't remember, or have never met her, Bianca is our 8-year-old Shih Tzu. She is beyond sweet and kind and gentle. But Bianca also displays some territorial sassiness, a get-away-from-my-bowl attitude, that is so endearing. We frequently find her standing on the hearth in the den because that is the spot where Luna's dinner is served and perhaps, just maybe, if she is good, Bianca will find a morsel Luna left behind--or better yet, she might find Luna's bowl. 

But Bianca also has some issues--one big on in particular that I witnessed again today. 

She lives in a constant state of pink eye. Dr. Love gave us medicine for her eyes and it works well. But some mornings, like today, the infection is so significant that one of her eyes is sealed shut because of the discharge that comes with pink eye. Not to worry, a warm compress and a few drops and she's back to trolling for food and 'grunting' happily around the house. 

Like I said, today was not a good morning for her. Her left eye was completely sealed off and before I could get a warm washcloth for her, she trotted off toward to door. But again, she has only one good eye in this moment. So as you can imagine, she bumps into things. Doors, walls, Bianca gets too close to everything. 

I reach down to pick her up but she scampers toward the door and into the yard. 

On her way back inside, Bianca is trotting--happy as can be. She will get a treat now and that is reason for celebration. After treat-time I fix the eye and she can see again and runs off for a drink and look for breakfast. 

But as I walked over to work I wondered. . . 

We all have issues in our lives. Some spiritual. Some physical. Some emotional. And likely some are a combination of all three. They weigh us down. Blind us. Discourage us. Isolate us from each other. Their painful sting is often something we do not think other people can endure. 

But as I thought about Bianca's issue, I wondered, why is it that she chooses contentment when discouragement would be understandable? Perhaps there is something in Bianca's example that can speak to you now? What would it look like to choose contentment in the face of a discouraging moment? Where might you find God in that space? 

Blessings . . .

Wonderings--December 28

Today is the day that we remember Herod's heinous act of killing the children in Bethlehem. I read the story from the gospel of Matthew as part of my devotions and spent some time thinking and reflecting on it. 

Can you imagine what the mothers and fathers in Bethlehem thought as the soldiers went from house to house carrying out their orders? I am not just taking about the terror and grief of each parent, but the desperation. The helplessness. Trying to keep their children silent so as to avoid being discovered. . . 

Think about how those same parents would return to God when it was over? 

What could they possibly say to God? How would they express themselves? Tears? Sadness? Rage? Feelings of abandonment? I imagine the responses were as diverse as the people of Bethlehem. I wouldn't have the words to speak to God in that moment; it might take me a while. I know that I would want to talk to God, I would know that I need to talk to God, but what could I possibly say? 

How could I express myself? 

How could I find "thy will be done" when I hurt so much? Ache so much? Want to curl up in a ball and disappear? 

And while we have not experienced the torment those parents did on that horrible day, we do experience our own pain each day that we might know is too much. Even as Christmas is still so close to our hearts and minds, we might find that we do not have the words for God today. 

If that is you, then I offer you a short little practice today to help: 

Find a quiet moment, a quiet space (even if that space is in a crowded room), and sit. . . Breath. 

Begin with a prayer, something like: "God, it's me again, And here's the messy, unsettling truth of it all. . ."

Take time to unpack the whole of it with God, every detail you feel is important, don't leave anything out, until you experience the 'sigh.' . . Finally a word of grace: be patient with yourself, 'the sigh' will find you. 

Blessings

Rev. Derek

Wonderings--December 27

It has been quite a while since I sat here and wrote about what's on my mind. But as advent ends for 2022, and the new year is this weekend, I thought about something that I read recently. 

In a recent edition of Christian Century I read the following thought and I lingered over it for a bit. 

"We have no idea what it cost God to make all things. But we can see what it cost God to be with us in Christ. The cost of our living with God forever is a cost we could never afford. . . [it is] beyond our capacity or ability to pay." 

But that cost is not beyond God. The God of heaven and earth paid the cost for us to come home in the simple act of sending his only Beloved Son to earth. And while I know that it likely did not happen on December 25, as this week begins I cannot help but reflect on what God was willing to give up for me. . . 

In a 2022 novel, Goodnight, Vienna, we read the story of Gretchen a 12-year-old girl living in Vienna in 1937 and Katya, her caregiver and physician. In the story when the Nazis take over Austria, Katya realizes that she must help Gretchen, a neurodivergent child, escape before she becomes a medical test subject for the Nazis. 

So they board a train each with forged passports and the process of the escape begins. While on the train, the two women meet Shulamit, a Jewish woman who uses a wheelchair. 

When they reach the Hungarian boarder (which is the final leg of their escape), the Gestapo guards stationed there scrutinize the passports glowering at the women. They are looking for a 12-year-old girl traveling with a woman. As the tension rises in the story, and it appears the game's up, something dramatic happens. Shulamit comes over the guards. . . 

She begins to belittle them for not noticing that she is Jewish, and what's worse, she's plotting to kill Hitler! The guards march Shulamit in her wheelchair to the nearest train and in doing so they completely forget about Gretchen and Katya. 

Gretchen can't believe what's happened, but Katya somberly says, "I think she planned to do it all along, if she saw you were in danger." 

Gretchen sobs, "I can't thank even thank her."

Katya replies, "I think she knows that you will thank her with everything you do in your life." 

Advent cost God so much. It cost God the perfect relationship with Jesus on the cross. And while that event will not happen for some time, in the life of the church, the cost must still be paid so you and I can go home. Like Shulamit in our story, God did something amazing, something self-sacrifical, something that only God could do. 

I wonder what that miracle means in your life today? I wonder how you might go about thanking God for what He did in sending Jesus to earth for us? 

Blessings

Rev. Derek