Sitting with my Bible open today, I find my heart in two places.
The first place is simple "with" God. My morning devotions involved reading a couple Old Testament passages from Nehemiah. I sit with that text now. I noticed where my attention rested and prayerfully approached God about what I was reading and considering. As I listened to the gentle rain falling and heard the heater in my office hum, I closed my eyes and continued to read. This first place that I find my heart in could best be described as Communion with God.
But there is also a second place. . .
The second place my heart finds itself in is the world. Today I have read the news from a couple sources that I find to be reputable. I sigh as I read it. . . I think about how the Omicron variant has again altered our worship and communal practices. I purse my lips as I think about how long it has been since worship felt 'normal' (whatever 'normal' actually is). I think of how last night I saw a church family who I have not seen for two weeks because of a positive covid diagnosis and how much joy my heart felt in seeing them again. The second place that I find my heart I describe as conflicted.
Maybe today you understand those two places and perhaps have been there yourself. Perhaps you are still struggling to name that which causes this dichotomy in your heart to surface.
Author and speaker Jeffery Olsen offered me some help today with this conflict in my heart. He wrote:
"I used to believe [that] God was testing me in some way and wanted me to prove my faith somehow. I have come to a deeper truth; God isn't testing me at all. God knows me perfectly. It was me who didn't know myself. We come from perfect love, and we will return to it someday, but for now, we love imperfectly, beautifully flawed in this lower dimension. Yet our skinned knees and scraped palms are not signs of shame, but rather badges of courage for having come to play the game. We are beautiful in our brokenness and perfect in the chaos regardless of the judgments we may put on it. Each moment is sacred. Each moment is a gift. Life is not a test. It is a gift.
"Every little thing is of the light; there is divine order in every single experience and every soul who crosses my path. Everything in my existence has a gift for me. Otherwise it would not be so. Being open to that divine gift in each moment is what brings life profound meaning."
I wonder if we can find our own 'profound meaning' in the place where our social suffering meets with God's perfect presence? I wonder what that might look like for the church? And for you?
Blessings
Rev. Derek
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