Its 1:30 and I finally found some space in my day to reflect, and what I learned was necessary. Let me explain:
Today my attention has been held on two projects; two large projects. The first is the normal Sunday preparation that I work with each week as a pastor. As I have mentioned before, I am a creature of habit. So on Tuesday morning I have several ‘habits’ that I engage in that help my mind consider what is God saying in the Word for us. These habits help continue moving my thoughts onward as I prepare for Sunday. The second item that I was focused upon this morning is a presentation that I am writing about fatherhood. This talk will be recorded soon and presented to ICN for their fatherhood conference in Liberia. With a hard deadline approaching for both projects, my mind was a cluttered, jumbled, hectic mess. . . And I loved it!
Deliberately I set out researching and reading, gathering and collating material for either of my two projects. Books began to pile up around my desk and writing nook. My favorite Disney World background music playing quietly next to me, I worked hard and felt blessed. The morning flew by. I was invigorated by the work I was doing. My creativity was a blaze of ideas and thoughts. It was hard to keep everything focused in one direction. With each passing cup of tea, my fingers pressed down on this keyboard quickly and wrote. . . and wrote. . . and wrote.
As I said, I was happy and felt enlivened by today!
By noon, I felt content with my progress, and so, I went to find my lunch. I walked home listening to some Christian music while comforted by my productivity. I was getting things done which needed to be done and that was a good thing. I sighed as I got home and slipped off my shoes. I was going to enjoy my lunch—I earned a good meal! It was only then that something felt off—something I wonder if you deal with in your life as well.
Lunch went fine. Nothing out of the ordinary. I spoke with Jennifer about her day, and we talked about various topics that came up about my day. JonMark asked me to email a couple people for him, and I did. All was well. But was it?
I briskly walked back to my desk after lunch, made a fresh cup of lemongrass tea, and opened the file that I was working on. Smiling I re-read my work and tried to add to it. . . nothing. I picked up my notes for Sunday read them again. . . nothing to add. I sipped my tea and tried to “do” what needed to be done again. Nope. Nothing happened. No words came. No passion. No energetic words starting filling may pages. I was deadlocked. Gazing out my window into what was supposed to be a sunny Pittsburgh day, the words of Clare of Assisi came to mind.
She once said:
Our labor here is brief,
But the reward is eternal.
Do not be disturbed by the clamor of the world,
Which passes like a shadow.
Do not let false delights
Of a deceptive world
Deceive you.
Whenever I read, or consider, Clare’s words I a reminded about perspective and about how I order my day with God.
Our laboring here is brief indeed. It feels like yesterday that I watched my children be born and now JonMark prepares to leave for college next week. The false delights of this deceptive world are with me. In this case that deception says that productivity is more important than time with God. There are indeed only so many hours in any of our days, but do we take the time to consider the eternal reward that happens because we and God are in union together? Did I stop this morning, this fleeting morning, this busy morning, this full morning, and spend time noticing how God is at work in my life, and in the life of the people whom I love and am in relationship with?
The answer today was “No.” I was so focused on what I needed to do that I did not stop and nurture my relationship with God—which is of primary importance to me. And so I am going to end this post, pick up my book that God and I reading, and spend a little time with it. I wonder, what would happen if you, when you are in the same place, tried the same thing?
Blessings
Rev. Derek
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