Today I want to be a bit vulnerable with you as we ’talk’ today. Perhaps the struggle that I am going to share, the one that confronts me now, is also something that confronts you in our life and in your mission for God?
Let me explain. . .
Tuesday is often a quiet day around the church. Over the summer the ‘quietness’ becomes even greater. Tuesday is the day when I am alone in the office of the church. Ann, our regular office administer, takes Tuesday off—as Jodell did before her. So without the children of CNS across the hall, and with Ann gone, the building becomes a bit spooky in its silence. But I have a way forward in the silence. . . . I combat that silence with some background music and it helps.
I have an entire playlist catalogued of background music that I rely on often in these times. This music helps me to think; it drowns out the silence of the room and the humming of the air condition that Rich and Jay put in my window a few months ago. I find myself more creative and more productive when there is not just total silence around me but something to hum to. But today those sounds did not help me. They only drew more attention to what was wrong this morning.
I clicked through several of my favorite musical selections: EPCOT Master Mix, Disney World entrance themes, a couple of favorite restaurant mixes, nature sounds. Nothing helped me find clarity and focus.
About that time, I finished my coffee and picked up the book that I use as part of my morning routine. Leaning back in my chair, I placed the book on my chest so that my bifocals wound fully magnify what I was reading and make the reading simpler to follow. After about a page, the struggle was getting worse. (Now here’s the personal part that I promised….) I noticed the buttons on my shirt were a bit stretched as I turned the page and that bothered me. I love this shirt because it fits well and breathes nicely on a hot day (which today is). But it was tight across my stomach.
I adjusted it for a better fit and tried to read some more. . . This time I felt my belt digging into my side. I smirked and moved from my desk chair to my favorite reading location. Still I was not comfortable. I slipped off my flip flops onto the floor and tried to find some peace by rubbing my toes on the carpet to stretch them. Still I was uncomfortable, and worse yet, I was very aware of it.
Over the next hour I tried a number of things to make myself more comfortable and with no positive results. Finally, I walked home in the heat of the later morning, and changed my clothes. I donned a cotton shirt that I bought from Edinboro University, grabbed my favorite pair of cargo shorts, and my running shoes. No sooner did I have a fresh cup of coffee in my black cup, then I noticed that I already felt better. Did a quick change really make that much different? And so I ask you:
Was it the clothes that made me uncomfortable, did they fit wrong or too tightly, or was it my mindset that affected me?
You see there are a lot of times in our lives when outside stimuli affect us so much that we are completely paralyzed by them. No one means for them to affect us so negatively, but they do. I was completely unable to function because my shirt felt too tight and my belt was uncomfortable, but I’ve worn that exact outfit last week and had no issues with it. Instead of pressing into who God is in my life and how I can work to be more faithful to God’s calling with me, I was annoyed. Distracted. Unable to function. At a loss creatively. I wonder if you know what that feels like?
And if you did, which I suspect, then perhaps take a moment to notice where is God in your mind when you struggle with something that seems unnecessary? Perhaps you and God are about to have a breakthrough. That might just mean you need a different pair of shoes…
Blessings
Rev. Derek
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