I knew that this task would be a lengthy exercise. I would hurt. But I just felt called by God to do it. . . . Pain would come to mind often as I wrote these names down and remembered them, but again, it seemed necessary to me as a way to begin to pray, and so sighing, I started writing.
The first thing that came to mind (besides Uvalde, Texas) was standing in Jennifer's parents living room in 1999. It was a few months before we were married. Columbine was first. I remembered the images from the news and my shock and dismay at the story of the two assailants. Confusion and fear were all that I felt that day. Was I truly witnessing what it seemed that I was witnessing? I never saw something like this before. Little did I know back in 1999 that this would happen more and more and I would begin to feel numb to it.
Sighing I continued the practice as a way to gently remember and continue to grieve. Leaving my judgements aside, I wrote. . .
Names of locations came to my mind and they triggered memories of where I was and what I was doing for each. . . Majorie Stoneman. . . Sandy Hook. . . Virginia Tech. . . the Amish Shooting in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. No matter who took to lectern to attempt make sense of these shootings on the news, they could not. The best attempts that our national leadership made at helping us address, or confront the shootings, and try to heal, failed for me. I always felt helpless as I switched off the television and I had few words in prayer.
There was little rhyme or reason for how these memories came to my mind. But I let the feelings and memories wash over me one after another. As I thought, I remembered an audio presentation that I heard about Dr. King's final sermon by John Meacham. This sermons was delivered in 1968--a day before his assassination. Dr. King proclaimed:
"Well, I don't know what will happen now. We've got some difficult days ahead. But it doesn't matter with me now. because I've been to the mountaintop. And I don't mind. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go out to the mountain. And I've looked over. And I've seen the promised land. . . I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people will get to the promised land. And I'm happy tonight. . . My eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord."
These words call me to continue my work for the Lord. They call me to continue to share God's word often and freely. For in the Word of God we find healing. We find union with our Savior in those words. In God's word we find hope that even as evil continues to live and hunt in this world. God is with us. Even as school shootings take our breath away and we say things like, "Come Lord Jesus," or "How can this happen God," we turn back to our Lord for in Him we find salvation and safety.
In Him we find not a dismissal of evil or a punitive God who will strike down those who do these things. Certainly that can happen and it is God's prerogative if it does. For only He holds the universal perspective.
In Him we find a way to reach our hands out to those who grieve and suffering. We find, with God, a way to express and live in solitary with the wounded and the suffering.
In Him we do not find our pain swept away so we can return to normal necessarily, but we hear a call to dwell with the 'least of these' for in that place we feel their suffering and we strive to offer hope.
I agree with Dr. King, I don't know what happens next, but I also agree that "my eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord."
Blessings
Rev. Derek
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