Recently I have been engaged in a series of conversations with someone who is working through a dark time in their life. The pain is great and it stings them. I have listened over the phone to tearful confessions and stories that they share with me. They have wrestled with their feelings and struggled with their choices. Initially they reported to me that they tried to just ‘stuff the feelings down,’ put on a smile, but that did not work for long. It seldom works long term. Pain always has a way of working itself up to the surface. It cannot be ignored forever even if we would like think that this policy would work.
They made a choice to address the issue, which seemed right in the moment, but now today, it was the wrong choice. The choice only brought more pain and suffering to them.
I suspect that we all know someone who is living and struggling in this way. I bet that you can think of someone right now as you read these words who has made a choice that only brought them more pain and more isolation. . . That memory might just cause you to drop you head for a moment in a mix of reflection and sadness.
While this is not a ‘warm-fuzzy’ expression of Christmas joy, it is a faithful representation of what is truly going on in the life of many people that we encounter in our daily lives. They are hurting. They feel alone, or at the very least, forgotten. Unloved. Uncared for. Not listened to. . . They made a poor choice which is only compounded by the inability to find a solution that brings healing and peace to them. Again, this is not exactly what we want to think about during they Days of Christmas, but it is part of our world.
Today as I was reading, and thinking about these conversations, and I found these words from Samuel Wells. Having informed much of my doctoral work, Wells’ language helps my soul reflect on my choices and my walk with God in a way that I think is helpful when I encounter people who are hurting. He writes:
“And when someone is looking straight at the truth, about themselves or about the universe and everything, the best thing you can do is to stay still and hold their gaze and not look away."
Wells offers no more practical advice than what you just read. Be there. Stand there. Do not look away. Do not speak over them or rationalize their pain away by criticizing their choice(s). I wonder, if when that individual crosses your path, when you are given the chance to listen to them, what would it look like to put Wells’ words into practice? Not saying anything. Not fix anything. Not condemn anything that is taking place out there. . . Just ’stay still and hold their gaze and not look away”?
Blessings
Rev. Derek
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