I do some of my best thinking on a rainy day. I know people who find rainy days to be a terrible burden to endure, but I find them a blessing. I always have. Rainy days, such as the one we are having in Cranberry today, remind me of my time in Nepal. As you know that was a life changing trip. The service team members and I were up so high that instead of the fog rolling in each morning, we were in the actual clouds and the rain seemed to come from all around us. It rained so much, and that rain was so cold, that it chilled us to the bone. But in our ‘chilled’ state, we still found the glory of God with us. So that is one thing that happens in my mind when I find a rainy day outside my window. . .
The other thing that I tend to do on a rainy days is that I spend time thinking.
This feels therapeutic. . . I find peace of mind watching the rain slowly fall on our yard. It limits what I can do outside and that can be a focusing act also. As I watched the rain this morning, and based on a conversation that I just finished, I began to wonder about something. This question that I have been pondering since the conversation ended: How do we handle a situation when someone that we care about does something that angers or, at the very least, discourages us?
This question feels necessary in our time of political and social unrest. But not enough people think about it. . . How do we even begin to access this disagreement without projecting our individual responses or feelings onto it, or onto the other person?
The eighth class in my Doctoral Studies was one that I felt should be earlier in the schedule. It was the class on conflict in the church and community. Dr. Leanna Fuller gave us several challenging texts to read and consider. We read books like When Christ’s Body is Broken and Dignity: Its Essential Role in Resolving Conflict. These are good texts to read on the subject. The material they presented to us as the reader was challenging. Every student in my cohort came to class with their books marked up; post-it notes sticking out indicating issues that they wanted to talk. We were ready to discuss and resolve conflict. We were ready to “fix” what was broken. But then Dr. Fuller walked in. . .
With a warm smile she sat down at the head table and said “good morning." She only had a few notes with her, and I wondered about the direction our time would take. We were almost done with the class schedule for the program and so each of us were getting excited in our own way as we finished the class work. She introduced herself and we introduced ourselves. Then she offered us a practice. . . She said, “I begin every course I teach here in the same way.” She continued. “We are going to spend 5 minutes in silence. Not in prayer. Not reading anything. Not reflecting on any scriptures. Just 5 minutes of silence. Let’s begin.” She didn’t even give us time to ask questions!
Now a room full of pastors does not like to sit quietly and not do anything. We like to talk and we like to do things. I fidgeted. My friend Brian sighed in resignation. Becky leaned back warily. 5 minutes of silence began. . . Was I paying for silence, I wondered, with my tuition? By the end of the week, I craved those 5 minutes; I needed them—as I know everyone else did.
What if I don’t have to do anything when someone that I care about does something makes me angry or, at the very least, discourages me. What if the point of Dr. Fuller’s exercise, when thinking about conflict and disagreement, was that we don’t have to "over talk” or “over work” the issue or the person. Maybe we don’t have to brow beat them and demand a change in behavior or response. What would it look like to just sit there, even on a rainy day, for 5 solid minutes, and dwell when something discourages or possibly angers you?
5 good minutes might just provide a different perspective to the problem. I know that it won’t always work, there are big issues out there that need our attention. But maybe it could take some of that anxiety off your plate and give you space and perspective to address the more serious issues. . .
Blessings
Rev. Derek
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