Today I think I have encountered and engaged all three purposes. . .
Yesterday I met with my surgeon for my 6-week checkup. X-rays were taken and pain levels measured. I spoke with him about my recovery and he was 'impressed' (his words) with how well I am doing. More PT was ordered. We talked about my prognosis and how I will continue the recovery process from this point onward. Then I asked one final question: what about all the medication I am taking, do I need it?
He told me that I didn't need it anymore--unless I thought that I did need it. Going through each medication Dr. Weiss explained the purpose of them and told me how to scale them back and which order to follow if the pain returned.
So, as he suggested, I took my final aspirin and did not take either of the two other medications for pain. Off to sleep I drifted knowing that I was doing great! . . . Well, great until 1am.
At 1am I awoke in searing pain. I could not move my right leg without great effort. I struggled to roll over and remain silent because I didn't want to wake Jennifer. I tossed and I turned trying to find a way to get a release from the pain. It hurt so much. I even wondered if I needed to go down the hall and get an extra pillow to place between my knees as I did weeks ago but didn't know if I could make it.
By 3am, I was only dozing off and still in great pain and depressed. Slowly rising onto my left I fumbled for my first pain medication. This first medication is designed for arthritic pain. I gulped it down and tried to sleep. It helped some but not enough.
As my 6am alarm went off I grabbed the second medication--the one for nerve pain--and downed it fast.
Right now my pain is managed, but the effect on my day is noticeable. I am sore and I worn out, and here is where this reflection becomes personal for you, I wonder how you handle those sore and worn down times in your day?
I tried all the normal fixes. Caffeine to fight off fatigue. Breakfast to soothe the savage beast. Some of my best Twinnings tea to relax my soul. Reading one of my favorite books to engage my mind. But notice what is missing. . .
Understanding how much I am struggling today I took my devotional Bible and sat back in my Ikea chair and rocked for five minutes as I moaned silently in my heart. Slowly opening my tired eyes and soul, I opened God's word and found myself in 1 & 2 Timothy. These are some of Paul's final words to Timothy and the church. They are gloriously emotional and raw. Page after page I read them--slowly--as I listened to the Apostle's expression of faith and hope.
Breathing in Paul's words of fatigue at the end of his service to the church, I sat my dimly lit office and I listened to the rain. Then I read them again. . .
When we are worn out, and regardless of the reason for that fatigue, I wonder if we use God's word not just as a teaching tool but as a balm to comfort our souls? Think about that for a moment. God's words as a balm to touch your soul and comfort it? We all know that the Bible is God's perfect words for us as His children. We know that the Word teaches us; it inspires us, and calls us onward. But today I encountered it differently. . . and it helped.
Paul says: "I have run my race." and "The saying sure and worthy." These are words of hope and can be words of healing. I found Paul energizing my tired mind. Now as I finish writing these words, my mind goes back to you, perhaps today you need to heal, to feel that balm placed on your heart and soul that only God can place. Maybe spend a little extra time with God and see how you feel afterwards...
Blessings
Rev. Derek
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